Top Picks from Bash.org

[JAHGoVeg]

<Ben174> : If they only realized 90% of the overtime they pay me is only cause i like staying here playing with Kazaa when the bandwidth picks up after hours.
<ChrisLMB> : If any of my employees did that they'd be fired instantly.
<Ben174> : Where u work?
<ChrisLMB> : I'm the CTO at LowerMyBills.com
*** Ben174 (BenWright{AT}TeraPro33-41.LowerMyBills.com) Quit (Leaving)


Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...

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<JonTG> Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z
<JonTG> wait, shit
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<Khassaki> HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!
<Judge-Mental> try pressing the the Caps Lock key
<Khassaki> O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!!!!
<Judge-Mental> f*ck me
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<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile (~mbeefpile{AT}cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
<anamexis> :<
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<mage> what should I give sister for unzipping?
<Kevyn> Um. Ten bucks?
<mage> no I mean like, WinZip?
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<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...

<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

[JAHGoVeg]

<kow`> "There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary and those who don't."
<SpaceRain> That's only 2 types of people, kow.
<SpaceRain> STUPID


<@AntiHeiss> friend of mine went to jail last night
<@AntiHeiss> he probably isn't getting out for a while
<%The_Coolest> y?
<+Enyo> why?
<%The_Coolest>
<@AntiHeiss> it was a girl cop, she was pretty cute too
<@AntiHeiss> she said anything you say can and will be held against you....he sat there for a while and said 'tits'

[Kherr]

* Stan (Stan{AT}dhcp024-209-052-025.neo.rr.com) has joined #techfreax
<Stan> what's c++?
<hypnetric> it's a rap artist
<Stan> he's good?
<hypnetric> lives in chicago
<Klone> He's almost as good as Java.
<hypnetric> yeah java owns
<Stan> do i compare to any of them?
<Klone> No, dude. Java is hardcore.

[JAHGoVeg]

* Stan (Stan{AT}dhcp024-209-052-025.neo.rr.com) has joined #techfreax
<Stan> what's c++?
<hypnetric> it's a rap artist
<Stan> he's good?
<hypnetric> lives in chicago
<Klone> He's almost as good as Java.
<hypnetric> yeah java owns
<Stan> do i compare to any of them?
<Klone> No, dude. Java is hardcore.

lol. just read that, today! where have I been?

[crustyasp46]

160.gif (22.98 KiB) Viewed 7391 times

>>>>> nuf said

[JAHGoVeg]

lol.

[Kherr]

<cix> they're outside aren't they?
<s> what is "outside"?
<cix> it's that place they show on "Discover"
<cix> I think it's near Montana.

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<Hellace> \\192.168.28.98\movies2\video clips\kitty stir fry.mpeg
<Hellace> thats fucken wrong
<Gothmog> im not touching anything with a filename like that
<Gothmog> work on your subtlety Hellace...
<Gothmog> call it "dinner.mpeg" or something
<Hellace> well its dodgy hey
<Hellace> its a cat getting cooked..
<Gothmog> yeah i figured that
<Gothmog> stirfried infact...
<Hellace> quote by levi "its fucken wrong"
<Zen> aarg
<Zen> that fucking horrible
<Gothmog> you watched it?
<Gothmog> LOL
<Gothmog> come on, something called that... you expected it to not be fucking horrible?
<Zen> well curiosity killed the cat

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<red13n> average blue whale produces over 400 gallons of sperm when it ejaculates, but only 10% of that actually makes it into his mate. So 360 gallons are spilled into the ocean everytime one unloads, and you wonder why the ocean is so salty.

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<fats> whats a kernel?
<_astrodz_> kernel is the man who made kfc!
<fats> huh?
<_astrodz_> his chicken is built from source

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* ChanServ (ChanServ{AT}Services.GamesNET.net) Quit (*.net *.split)
<DopefishJustin> damn chanserv
<DopefishJustin> they should rename it NegroServ because it never works

Oh, slam... (no offense meant, just quoting Bash.org)

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MultiColoredWiz: Science class was hilarious yesterday.
MultiColoredWiz: We were explaining parts of the body.
MultiColoredWiz: So the teacher puts her hands on her ass and says "What's this called? I will not accept A-S-S or butt."
MultiColoredWiz: I then raise my hand and say:
MultiColoredWiz: "Will you accept 'HUGE'?"

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<Murr> DrForr, presumably the tank crew *knew* how to swim, but not how to escape from a tank with open hatch that had turned on its roof before sinking.
<DrForr> The tank flipped over -then- sank? Now that's rich.
<arkuat> what is this about? cisco is building tanks now?
<Winkola> arkuat: If they do, you can count on a lot of drowned newbie net admins.
<Winkola> "To report a drowning emergency, press 1, and hold for 27 minutes."

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TwilightKnight: i fucking hate you so much
Dr SpaZZo: Thats what you get for breaking the goatse rules of engagement
TwilightKnight: wtf are you talking about?
Dr SpaZZo: (Article 2, chapter 5, line 9: Sending goatse to those of the female persuasion is forbidden)
TwilightKnight: heheheh

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The U.S. Government today changed its emblem from an eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. Condoms stand up to inflation, halt production, destroy the next generation, protect pricks, and give a sense of security while actually screwing you!

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* Ardham refuses to put flamable objects in close proximity to his manhood.... though it may have prevented the 3 kids he has now.
<Tierrie_> Its not too late to put flamable objects near your kids

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(+teh|irc) infact the smartest thing that came out of her mouth was my dick

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pinano: The angle of the dangle is directly proportional to the
pinano: heat of the meat, as augmented by the thrust of the bust,
pinano: and inversely so to the mass of the ass, so long as the
pinano: bore of the whore remains constant.
pinano: God, I love being an engineer.

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I'll post more later. :3

*EDIT*

LATER IS NOW!

Magna Carta: Being in Alexa's top 1000 says a lot for any site...
Motley: Related: In walmart today, it was pretty packed
Motley: and my nephew (11) is going to get some icees, he gets ready to turn left out of electronics
Motley: and he goes 'dude, what flavor?'
Motley: I shouted 'MOAR MUDKIPS' (aka blue)
Motley: Then this is what I hear..
Motley: Far left: 'KILL IT WITH FIRE!'
Motley: Far right: 'NO U'
Motley: Behind: 'DO NOT WANT'
Motley: and then god bless 'em, the guy standing *right* next to me goes 'shut the fuck up btards!"
Magna Carta: ...
Magna Carta: You live in EKY?
Motley: ...yeah
Magna Carta: OSHIT

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<Anonymous> Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it.
<Anonymous> Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fucking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little shit’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “SHIT! SHIT!.” Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! FUCK!.” By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.
<Anonymous> Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m FUCKING HIV POSITIVE.”
<Anonymous> And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just fucked up big time because his mom isn’t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is.
<Anonymous> I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.

[Hot Trout]

Superb post .

[JAHGoVeg]

LOL LMAO ROLFCOPTOR~~||!!!

P.s. I will never look at the ocean the same... -__-

[Kherr]

P.s. I will never look at the ocean the same... -__-

I know, right? *shudders*