Jokes. MOST KINDS GO - Easily offended people need not look.

[Kherr]

This elderly couple is watching one of those television preachers on TV one night. The preacher faces the camera, and announces, "My friends, I'd like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV & the other hand on the part of your body which ails you & I will heal you." The old woman has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach. Meanwhile, her husband approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and his other hand on his groin. With a frown his wife says, "Ernest, he's talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead."

With that said, I will state one thing... This thread is for jokes. ALMOST ANY KIND OF JOKE GOES. Racist jokes, sick jokes, adult jokes, almost all kinds... DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE TO ANYTHING SAID IN THIS THREAD AS IT'S ALL JOKES. It's intended to make you laugh, not upset you. If you do, for some reason, end up being offended by a joke you need to lighten up.

EDIT @ Guest:

Certain content isn't allowed however... and I think "Dead Babies" is one of them. >.>

[Guest]

Can I get a Dead Baby Joke in the House???

HT Edit : In Short NO, that is a little too offensive.

That one ALWAYS makes me cringe no matter how many times I hear it!

EDIT: My appologies. Kherr, could you please change the topic tittle to something along the lines of "Almost Anything Goes"
Thanks

[arinlares]

One month anniversary!

Has anybody heard of the Oh-No bird? It lives in Africa, and is the oddest bird you can ever hope to see. Its legs are six inches long. Unlike most birds, it carries its testicles outside of its body, like people do, and its scrotum hangs about a foot down below its body. You can easily pick one out on the African Savannah because you'll hear its cries of "OH NO! OH NO!" when it goes in for a landing.


Next joke: What do you get when a German juggles his breakfast? Luftwaffles.

I apologize if the first joke is inappropriate.

[crustyasp46]

Have you heard about the new medicine for lesbians yet, It's called TRYDIXAGAIN.

[Hot Trout]

LOL.

A boy goes to Dairyqueen and asks the lady for a whipped icecream in a poke (cone), the lady makes the icecream and asks the boy if he would like crushed nuts, to which the boy replies "why do you want a slap in the tits"

[crustyasp46]

I'm still waiting for my ship to come in, but am beginning to wonder that it perhaps may have already come in and left because I was busy on TOC ?

[crustyasp46]

wife sitting helping husband set up password on new computer, man types in penis, computer responds with password too short, wife falls off chair laughing her ass off

[Kherr]

That one made me chuckle Crusty.

[crustyasp46]

70 year old man turns to wife and asks, " Why don't you ever get mad at me for chasing and ogling the younger ladies?"
Wife replies, " Well a dog sees a car, chases it and never catches it. What is there to be mad at?"

[Kherr]

I feel bad. I started this thread and haven't said a word in it since. When I've got a good joke, I'll say my piece.